


Red Fish, Blue Fish

by Redrikki



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Bad Parenting, Family Feels, Gen, Harm to Animals, Organa Family Feels, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, You Can't Deny The Truth That Is Your Messed Up Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 17:10:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10283978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redrikki/pseuds/Redrikki
Summary: Leia bought an aquarium for her child like her father before her. In a perfect world she could raise Ben to fill his grandfather's legacy. Too bad he had more than one.





	

Leia had a large aquarium installed in her office. Her father had had a similar one back on Alderaan filled with brightly-colored sea creatures. Some of Leia’s earliest memories were of watching those fish while Bail managed the dual work of Imperial Senator and Rebel spy in the background. Leia filled hers with Electric Blue Haps, Green Speckled Moonfish, and Crimson Finned Veets. They darted in and out of their miniature plastic palace and amongst the sea ferns in bright steaks of color. Two-year-old Ben found them just as mesmerizing as Leia had at that age.

None of the other Senators took their children to the office, but Leia loved having her son there. It was infinitely preferable to letting him go gallivanting with his father. Before she’d put a stop to it, Han had taken him racing and made engine repairs with their baby strapped to his back. On one memorable occasion, he’d taken Ben to a dive bar, apparently for an early lesson in the finer points of cheating at sabacc. Here at the office Ben tended to get underfoot and throw screaming tantrums when he didn’t get his way, but at least he wasn’t putting greasy engine parts in his mouth or crawling around some sticky cantina floor. Here, Leia could keep an eye on him and had C3P0 and a small army of staffers to mind and spoil him rotten when work got in the way.

The truth was, Leia brought Ben to the office for the same reason that Bail had brought her. He was a living reminder of why she did any of it. With Ben there, Leia could keep her eyes open no matter how dull the report, power through every tedious debate, and refrain from punching every boneheaded Senator, no matter how richly they deserved it. Someday it would be Ben’s, the office, the galaxy, all of it. It was for him to finish what his grandfather had begun. In the meantime, it was down to Leia to leave him the best possible galaxy she could. 

One afternoon, Leia looked up from an exceptionally boring report about grain shipping tariffs just in time to see Ben Force-lifting a Crimson Finned Veet into the air. The datapad tumbled from her nerveless fingers as her breath left her in a whoosh. Was this the fish’s panic or her own? Leia struggled for breath, her gills fluttered frantically as Vader Force-choked the life out of her. No, not Vader and not her breath. Her son. A fish. _Her son was killing a fish!_

“Ben, no!” 

Startled, the boy lost his tenuous grip on the Force. The fish hit the floor with a wet plop and began to convulse. Vader stood back to admire his handiwork as Leia rushed to the rescue. She vaulted her desk, heart pounding as she raced across the room. Years of combat kept her hands steady as she scooped up the fish and returned it safely to the aquarium. Her shoulders slumped in relief as it swam off and disappeared behind a stand of sea ferns. 

Ben, on the other hand, was somewhat less pleased. “No!” he shrieked, yanking on her skirt. The toddler glared up at her as she turned. “Want fish.” He stamped his foot, clearly working himself up into one of his signature tantrums. In another minute he’d be down on the floor screaming bloody murder.

Something in Ben’s expression flipped a switch in Leia’s brain. She knew, distantly, that he was just a curious little boy, that he didn’t realize what he had nearly done, but she didn’t care. Her pulse still pounded, but her terror had morphed into pure, unadulterated rage. He wanted a fish. He wanted a fish, Vader had wanted power, and both had been willing to kill for it. Well, no more. Not on her watch. Someone had to stand up to these monsters and it was always going to be her. 

Leia rounded on the boy, seizing his shoulders with bruising force. “You can’t have the fish,” she snarled, shaking him like a rag doll. She wanted to shake it out if him. The Force. Their bad blood. Every last bit of evil inside of him. Why couldn’t Ben just be Bail Organa’s grandson? Why did he have to be Darth Vader’s too?

Ben’s startled expression crumpled, then dissolved into tears. This wasn’t his usual thwarted toddler howling. It was deep, messy, end-of-the-world sobbing. He squirmed against her grip, struggling to get away from her as tears and snot dripped down his face. Stars, her son was terrified of her. Ben wasn’t Vader; Leia was.

The realization sent Leia reeling. She stumbled back against the fish tank and slid down to the floor. Freed from her grasp, Ben scrambled away, staring at her with wide, wounded eyes. “Ben, baby, I’m sorry.” She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She hadn’t meant to let her fear control her like that. Leia reached for her son to wipe his tears away and cuddle him until he forgave her.

Instead of rushing into her arms, her sudden movement sent Ben skittering away from her. He cowered back against her desk and stared at her warily through tear-filled eyes. Leia slumped back against the base of the aquarium and tried to look as non-threatening as possible. Her father, Bail, her _real_ father would never have done something like this. He had to have know whose blood she carried, but he never treated her with anger or fear. She needed to do better, to be better, if she had any hope of raising her son in his image.

Across the room, Ben’s harsh sobs had dwindled to sniveling and hiccups as he tired himself out. Leia crawled slowly towards him, telegraphing every move to give him enough time to run if he wanted to. She gently lifted him onto her lap and smiled sadly when Ben threw his arms around her. “Never again,” Leia promised and laid a kiss on his forehead.

Never again would Leia fear her son. She would raise him with all the love, guidance, and discipline her parents had given her until there was nothing in him left to fear, even if he did have the Force. It didn’t have to rule his life any more than it ruled hers. Leia knew herself too well to promise that she’d never get mad at him, but never again would she be afraid. Never again would she hurt her son.

**Author's Note:**

> Bail Organa's fish tank and Leia's childhood fascination with it are from the Ahsoka novel by E.K. Johnston.


End file.
